It fades so easily just like these people I treasured who disappear eventually.
Happiness is the price of risking. Doing a great job. The price of accomplishment. Sunrise. One of the results of love.
But it rarely provides lessons.
I can count it in my hands, those times happiness actually made me learn something. Right now, it made me think if I ever write something all because I'm happy.
Maybe I did but I can't remember. It is pain that always marks.
A name keeps on hunting me wherever I go. The wounds this name left won't just heal. I'm sick of seeing this name even on my most favorite places or on sacred realms like my dreams.
It then turned into hatred. Hatred that snaps out this fire of peace. Hatred that fuels creativity.
On times I'm not happy, there are cases I chose not to be. Because that is the condition where everything is in entropy. Entropy leads to chaos inside me. This chaos makes it easier to understand the different forms of chaos around. And chaos is everywhere, especially in the hearts of humans.
I need the state of disorder. I need chaos.
Chaos then is the ember of my creative fire. It is the means to write, and by partnering words, I am creating a temporary order. An order that aligns the thought in my mind and others who are like me.
And once there's complete acceptance, once I can now finally see, that's where it all settles down.
I'm finally calm again.
Not because I'm done.
I'm just preparing for the next wave of disruption.
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